As this school year winds down, I am left looking back at all of the ridiculous/crazy/funny/troubling things that my kids have done or said. Each year, I have had kids who have said some unforgettable things, but I think that the kids this year take the cake. It seems like there has been at least one incident or utterance each day that made me stop dead in my tracks. Here’s a compilation of some of my favorites, done in the fashion of Letterman’s Top Ten List:
10. The boy who said to me, “Mrs. Rannou, I like how you squat so low,” as I was crouching down to finish writing on the board.
9. The same little boy as above (you will see that he makes a lot of appearances on this list, because he is funny as hell, without even meaning to be), who came to me at the end of the day and said, “Can you tell Josie and Gracie I farted?”
8. In reading group one day, my kids were reading a book about space. I guess I had tuned out for a bit, because when I heard, “I didn’t know Uranus was green!,” I definitely didn’t think he was talking about planets!
7. An actual phone message from a parent: “Hey. I was just wondering if the kids were still out of school next week, because I heard they have a new calendar. Also, I was calling to see if we were making up a week of school, since we were off for the snow. That would make sense, because the kids could go to school for an extra week since they were off for a week. Call me back and let me know.” Wow.
6. After reading a story about Grandma Moses, which was called No Ordinary Grandma, I asked my students why they thought that Grandma Moses was not ordinary. Most of the kids were deep in thought, trying to figure out a good answer, when one boy’s hand shot up, and he said, “Maybe because she was a man??? Because that wouldn’t be very ordinary.”
5. The child who peed in his pants, and was wet from mid-chest to mid-thigh. Enough said.
4. After teaching a lesson on using addition to check subtraction problems, one of my skeptical students was trying it out for himself. Upon realizing that I was actually right, what did he say? “Wow!” No. “Cool!” No. “Neat!” No. “Holy sh*t!” Yes.
3. After learning that one of my little boys peed after stepping off the bus, I called him over to my table to ask him about it. As soon as I expressed my concern, he tried to pacify me by saying, “It’s ok, nobody saw anything.” When I asked him what he meant, he explained that he had just pulled “it” out of a hole in his pants and peed on the ground. Too much information.
2. Learning that one of my little boys stuck his hand IN THE TOILET to retrieve a pencil. When I asked him why he would do something so gross, he answered very plainly, “Because it was a neat pencil.”
1. And, lastly, from one of the children quoted/mentioned the most often: As I was reading a story one day I felt something strange in between my toes. When I looked down, I realized that a little boy was sticking his finger between my toes. Obviously, I was a little shocked and appalled, so I asked him in a very disgusted tone,”WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” He very calmly responded by saying, “I’m sticking my fingers between your toes, Mrs. Rannou. Why?” I went on to explain why that was not appropriate, because people’s feet could be dirty, and his response (again very calm) was, “But Mrs. Rannou, it’s ok because I know your feet are very clean. I can tell.” Well, thanks for appreciating my hygiene, but that’s still gross.